THE BLING RING

This is defiantly one of my favorite topics of discussion lately. Yes, even though the movie release date was June, 21, 2013 and the Hollywood burglaries were reported in 2011. Fuck it, drama doesn't die that fast. Especially when I'm addicted to shitty reality TV. I hit the jackpot a couple weeks ago when I came across Pretty Wild on Netflix. Halfway into the new episode and a rum & coke later, Alexis Neiers, gets arrested for involvement in the "Bling Ring" burglaries. SCOREEE! My roomie and I were hooked instantly. 

Alexis Neiers is a fucking idiot. Her desire for fame is hilarious. Hello bitch, you robbed Paris Hilton and climbed through a doggy door to steal a purse. Gross. She still continues to claim not guilty of any charges and has since become pregnant, super classy.

Everyone involved in these burglaries are delusional and clearly don't own mirrors. 

Unfortunately I have yet to see Sofia Coppola's film, The Bling Ring, but I look foward to watching it immediately on the DVD release date, 9/17. RedBox is my bitch. So yeah don't try to rob rich celebrities because you will fail and end up in a jail cell next to Lindsay Lohan. She'll cut you for cocaine, don't do it. 

SHARK WEEK

// SHARK WEEK IS FOR BETCHES //  

The most wonderful time of the year. Just not for seals.

 Who the hell doesn't watch Shark Week?! If you're reading this and you don't, we will never be friends. This is literally the only time of the year I care to watch cable. Get comf on the couch with your betches and snack on while sharks go cray in the big blue ocean. It'd be like watching 2-Chainz and Lil Wayne doing a performance on crack at Sea World -what kid wouldn't fucking run screaming?! It's extremely entertaining to say the least.

Due to the fact that I thoroughly enjoy Shark Week and fashion -I created my vision of Shark Style below.

Topshop / Maxandchloe / Nars

Mix in some sweet treats & alcohol and you won't ever regret the 168 hours you're about to sacrifice.

ESSIE F A L L 2013

FOR THE TWILL OF IT COLLECTION

• For the Twill of it - Multi grey/teal metallic base. Pink, purple & green flash mix.                                  
• Vested Interest -  Sage green base with grey/blue undertones, creme like.                                            
• Cashmere Bathrobe - Grey base with blue undertones and fine silver shimmer bits.                               
• Twin Sweater Set - Crimson red base with blue undertones. High gloss color.                                         
• The Lace is On - Magenta/Fuchsia base with fine shimmer bits. Jelly like.                                             
• After School Boy Blazer - Midnight navy blue. Jelly like, super shine finish.                                    

Essie continues to surprise me with this fabulous collection of colors. 

They completely capture the essence of fall from any perspective. Seriously these colors scream it's fall betch, buy me! For the Twill of it is like the perfect combo of fall at a party in a tiny little bottle. It's the small shit like this that gets me way too excited for this season to already be over. Waiting for nail polish collections to hit stores so I can go sweater shopping and start drinking hot tea. Pfttt my whole life changes after Essie launches their new collection. Okay kidding, but like only halfway. Just keep an eye peeled betches because your nails are just as important as your last outfit choice. 

DAVIDsTEA

I have recently become obsessed with tea. Before this, I was an extreme coffee addict. With very scarce options where I currently live -I made the switch. A friend of mine from Canada introduced DavidsTea to me. Holy shit. Like holy effin shit. Clearly I've been living under a rock. Last night she gave me the site and told me to pick a few that I'd like to try. It's next to impossible to pick a "few", but I like surprises. Especially from other countries. 

Pink Lemonade / Birthday Cake / Coconut Grove / Bollywood Chai / Movie Night 

Those are just to name a few. There's 8 different sections of teas. All made with the betchiest ingredients ever. Fucking sprinkles and popcorn. This is real life and I'm ashamed that I am just discovering this. If you're a next level tea betch, feel free to enlighten me. Comment with your favorite flavors or whatever the hell taste deliciously awesome. For all you betches that are on the same page as me, enjoy. Davidstea.com

SICK SAD WORLD

 

In a world full of simple bitches. Sometimes all you can do is stand back, drink coffee, and talk shit.

It truly is a sick sad world... for everyone else. Betches be like, "ain't nobody got time for that." 

ICE ICE BABY

This totally screams White Witch. You know, that super bitch who kills Aslan in Chronicles of Narnia? Yeah her. At least she introduced herself as the queen. She's like a borderline betch. 

Anyways.

Gold really needs to take a timeout for gunmetal. Ahhh it just sounds betchy. The chunky crystals are so damn chic. Collar necklaces are in and making clavicles all around the world look phenom. Pair these with a simple bodycon dress and pretty ankle strap heels -oh shit, bad betch coming through! All you need are some icicles for your hair and raging polar bears to pull you around all night. 

NECKLACE $38 // NASTY GAL // BRACELET $35 

EAR BLING

M.E x J.S M16 Bamboo Earrings

Melody Ehsani $120 

BARBIE DEBATE

"What’s stopping Mattel from making one?" Um maybe because that’s an outrageous idea. Like really? Bratz dolls have extremely un-proportional heads and no one cares. Average sized american women all wish they were skinnier anyways. Changing Barbie’s appearance is literally the least thing anyone could do to make women feel more confident about their bodies. I played with Barbies till like forever and never thought about the difference between mine and Barbie’s body. Girls are getting pregnant at 13 now. How about we focus on fixing that problem?! At least Barbie doesn't have a real vagina to get pregnant. She’s a saint compared girls these days. Everyone can stop hating now. Go buy a Furby if you’re so depressed about your appearance.

THE SHIT SHOP

I recently came across The Shit Shop through Instagram, oh em gee. It completely caught my eye. Bold, fun, and colorful statements. “Ghetto Day” is def my fav. It holds a glamorous 80’s feel while incorporating new age trends. This little vintage shop in Berlin, Germany is anything but average. Trashy music, art, and fabulous betch clothes, count me funk in! As if the perfectly designed clothes aren’t enough, you can snag a tattoo and/or a glass of champagne as part of your shopping experience. Screw online shopping. Next destination: Germany. Shopping, drinking, and tattoos. Seriously the best. 

Totally check it out. http://www.theshitonline.com/shop-online/

EYEBROW NAZI

Eyebrows. They are a very essential piece to your face. If you haven't figure out that they basically define your face, I'm sorry. Mastering the art of "the eyebrow" is not to be taken lightly. 

First step -Find the shape you want. Choose wisely. Not too thin, not too thick, and arched at the right point. Second step -Wax, trim, pluck, or thread. This is necessary to getting the shape you want. It takes some time so don’t give up and please do not over pluck. You will look sick, like actually ill. Third step -You will need a liner and or powder. This will help define your eyebrows even more. Like boooom, check my brows betch! I’ve tried a few brands of eyebrow liners. I’m MAC obsessed so I went with their eyebrow liner. I’m currently using Lingering and Brunette. It’s a self-sharpening, brow defining, magic wand. But really, I can’t live without it. I refuse to leave the house without my eyebrows on. I know a lot of girls that use powders as fillers too, which looks more natural. I have yet to use any because I like exact definition and maybe a bit lazy. As a betch, I prefer my eyebrows to have an intense arch. I call them my “angry eyebrows”. I also know some girls who don’t have eyebrows at all. Whatever the case may be, please understand that your eyebrows are a core definition of your face. I promise once you give your eyebrows some extra TLC, you’ll be thanking me. 

FASHION-DO

Being tan. Technicalllyyy that isn't fashion, but it makes a lot of trends look better. We are already nearing the end of Janurary, holy shiz. Spring break is approaching as well as summer. It’s time to start preparing betches. I am not a huge fan of laying in a coffin of fluorescent lamps. But unfortunately laying outside year-round to soak up some real sun rays isn't available. Mystic Tan, sprays, cremes, wipes, bronzer, ect. There is so many ways to get your tan on. It smooths complexion, makes you feel sexy, brightens your eyes, and betch you’ll want to be naked allll the damn time. So head to your local tanning salon, drug store or Ulta. Just don’t over do it, fake is so not betchy, like ever EVER. 

GIT TROPICAL

 

Tropical Floral Print Leggings

F21 $8.80

BETCH THOUGHTS

“You can’t look at us.” Yeah, I said it. Back in 2004, thanks to Mean Girls, it was “You can’t sit with us.”This isn't high school for me anymore, unfortunately I've been bitch slapped by reality. Truth is certain people shouldn't be allowed to look at anybody really. If you don’t own mirror in 2013, you don’t exist to me. Having style does not come naturally to all and I accept that, but please act like you tried. Anyone who is wearing bedazzled flared jeans does not have the right to look at me. Nor do creepy guys with greased stained shirts and trucker hats, ew. My least favorite stare-down comps happen at red lights. Excuse me, focus on the light changing, not my fabulous pastel hair and mint/leopard Aldo shades, while I’m sippin’ on my Starbucks latte… I hate you. It’s the basic bitches that make it this complicated. Just don’t stare at us betches or make it less obvious.

MAC NICKI MINAJ COLLECTION

The baddest betch diva in hip-hop has done it again. Introducing the second edition from MAC’s Viva Glam collection. Her first lipstick is still one of their bestsellers and I guarantee this one will be too. Feb. 9th is the release date. (On a side note. My dad told me about this, so betchy!)

"Nicki Minaj continues her reign as the hip-hop queen of M·A·C VIVA GLAM! The Lipstick-loving diva is back to serve up a delectable duo of Lipstick and Lipglass in an all-new shade of pastel lavender pink. Every cent of the selling price goes toward helping women, men and children living with and affected by HIV/AIDS. Limited edition."

This color won’t compliment everyone’s skin tone, but it’s for a great cause. And betch’s love supporting good causes. Just get a spray tan and then this pastel shade will look perf. I mean it’s Nicki Minaj so just buy it anyways. Did I mention that my dad told me about this?!